Pride: Time heals all Published June 19, 2014 By Anonymous Little Rock AFB Airman LITTLE ROCK AIR FORCE BASE, Ark. -- Hiding who you are is a painful and difficult task to undertake. Lying to yourself, your family and your friends is unhealthy and causes stress in your personal and professional life. Living a lie is what I did for years. When I finally decided to tell my family who I was, a homosexual, I lost everyone who I thought cared about me. They abandoned me. I had never felt so alone. Family has always been a priority of mine, but after one conversation, I wasn't part of that family anymore. Of course, they said they loved me and tried to pretend nothing was different. After isolating me, trying to keep me away from the "wrong" and realizing that their efforts weren't going to change me, they gave up. They pushed me away. I went months without talking to my family. I avoided going home or talking to anyone who might be in touch with my family. I lived in "Small Town, USA," where everyone knew your business. It was hard to see the faces of people who once respected me but now only look at me with disgust. I left my mother's home at 19 years old and tried living with my dad, who had been in and out of my life. That didn't work out either, so I was left on my own. I got a job at a grocery store making a little more than minimum wage, which was just enough to pay for rent and gas to go to and from work. I applied for food stamps. I had always thought I was above that, but at this point I couldn't ask for help from anyone. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment in a not-so-safe apartment complex. I fried chicken and made sandwiches for about six months before realizing I had other options. Joining the Air Force had never crossed my mind before, but when it did, there was no stopping me. There was no way I could turn down a consistent paycheck with benefits that would help me establish myself, teach me leadership and personal responsibilities ; benefits that included being away from the family who had turned their backs on me. I needed something fresh, something new and something that would pick me up and help me find my place in life. I didn't belong where I thought I had always fit in. The military opened my eyes to diversity and introduced me to people from different walks of life. I learned that I wasn't so different after all and met others who went through some of the things I went through. The first year of my career, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was in place, and so again, I had to hide who I was. Once it was repealed, my lifestyle still wasn't completely accepted and kind of became the office joke. "It's a new Air Force," people would sarcastically say. Nothing really changed other than rules. I still felt uncomfortable being myself around my colleagues. I avoided conversations about relationships. Anytime I spoke of my significant other, I used the term "my friend" or "this person I know". Although DADT had been repealed, no one around me understood that it was still an issue if they joked about the lifestyle or my choice of whom I dated. It took months before I verbally told anyone in my shop who I really was. When I finally did, however, it was the best feeling when she looked at me and said "that's cool," and acted like it was nothing special. I finally found someone that I could talk to and that I could trust. While I was deployed, I met the love of my life. That person transferred from active duty to the Reserves so we could start our life together. I actually changed my relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship" with my partner. I know it may not seem like a big deal, but when your whole family is on your social media network and can see all of your photos and statuses about your love life, it's a huge deal. I never received any bad messages or phone calls from my family, which was surprising. We moved in together and started our own little family: us and our dogs. That's all that mattered to me. I didn't call my family unless it was a special occasion, and my significant other never forced me into talking to them. I met my partner's family, and they treated me like I was a part of their family. It felt great to have a family love me and accept me. That's all I wanted since the big blow up with my family. We decided to talk to my mom about our relationship. My significant other wrote a letter, a physical handwritten letter, and mailed it to my mom. The letter asked if I could bring my significant other home for the upcoming holiday so that they could meet each other. We crossed our fingers, hoped for the best, and waited for the results to this long-thought-out shot of hope. A few weeks later after sending the letter with no response, I contacted my mom, who informed me that she never received the letter. We resent the letter via Facebook message, and I texted my little brother to help gauge my mother's reaction. He said, "She's crying, but it's not a bad cry," whatever that meant. She responded by saying she would think about it and thanked my significant other for reaching out to her. This was it. This was the beginning of progression. I could not believe that I would be taking the long drive home with my partner. I was scared, nervous and anxious. As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I started to second guess what we were doing. I had been here before. I had been through this, and it only led to pain and depression. Why was I doing this to myself? I did it not only for myself, but for my mother. She needed to see I was loved. She needed to see how in love I was. We stayed at Mom's house for a week. She asked me to not show affection in front of her and we respected that. Being able to experience the holidays with my entire family under one roof was revolutionary. I never stopped smiling. I never pictured watching my mother and my partner share recipes and laughs. In these past five years, I have learned more than I could have imagined. My confidence has grown tremendously since I have experienced these unwanted stepping stones. I learned that time heals pain, depression and damaged relationships. The military has taught me that with a positive attitude and confidence in change, I can handle any challenge or negative situation thrown at me. I am proud to say I serve in an Air Force that allows me to love who I want to love.